Tools & Tips: Healing From Rejection

Rejection is something that we all face. Breakups, losing a job, missing out on a promotion opportunity, failing a test — they can bring about the same kind of hurt. The feeling of failure or rejection. 

The only way to avoid rejection is to avoid putting yourself in situations that will bring about growth or fulfillment.  As crazy as that sounds there are plenty of us guilty of avoiding opportunities for fear of failure. 

On the bright side, if you're reading this, you've put yourself out there (or maybe you're about to). You took the risk and that's something that you should be proud of. 

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to stop the hurt that comes with rejection. It takes work to reach for something substantial in life, so it makes sense that it also takes work to recover from losing something you really wanted. 

Trust me when I say I've gone through more rejections than I care to count. It's not an exaggeration to say it's probably been in the high hundreds. It's always a kick in the gut when you try for something and it doesn't work out the way you hope. 

Here are a few tools and ideas that have helped me through the healing process while dealing with rejection. 

• Do something that stimulates growth — listen to a podcast about overcoming setbacks, read Mindset by Carol Dweck (or your favorite personal development book), write a poem, help a friend with a problem.

It helps speed up the recovery process when you can see your rejection as a catalyst for good, but sometimes you need to do more than just chalking it up to being a learning experience. Sometimes you need to allow it to move you. Let it be the match that lights a fire for growth. Refuse to let this event beat your spirit down. Don't give this one day in your life the power to break you.

• Call someone you love and respect. Ask for their advice. Get some external perspective. 

Ideally, make the call to someone who can see both your flaws and your positive attributes. It helps when you know the advice is impartial and not just a soothing platitude. Yes, sometimes we need to hear how wonderful we are to feel better about a setback, but if you only ever seek advice from hype-men, you'll never learn how you might improve or move forward.

• Make a list of your goals. List all the things you can do right now, this week, this month, this year. Usually, the best goals are a long game — be patient and realistic. 

Write down the things that you can do to further your goals. Buy a planner and write out a timeline. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the overall process — if you can’t do it right now, then why are you allowing it to eat at you right now? 

• Journal about your journey to this point. Where were you last year or even five years ago? How has your perspective changed? What accomplishments have you achieved since then? 

We so often forget that we are continuously making progress. We get so lost in the dream that we don’t appreciate the journey. This is your story. Not all chapters will be happy, but if you never see struggles your book probably isn’t all that interesting of a read.